81. Releasing expectations, flowing with the unpredictability of life and embracing a lighter way of being
This episode is a little bit different! I share three not really (but also kind of) related stories celebrating lessons learned from messy imperfect living.
Some themes explored:
Letting go of the weight of expectation
Slipping back into old patterns
Doing less (instead of trying to cram everything in)
***
GRATEFUL FOR YOU
An extra big thank you today if you’ve left a rating, review or have hit “follow” - these three things all make such an incredible impact when it comes to the success and sustainability of the show.
Thank you for being a part of this community!
***
GET IN TOUCH
Did this episode spark an interesting reflection or a question stirring in your heart? I love hearing from you!
Instagram: @meghanljohnston
Email: hello@meghanjohnston.com
Website: meghanjohnston.com
Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Welcome my friend. This episode is going to be a little bit different today. It's a bit more of a catch-up episode, which I can't quite remember if I've ever done before.
And I actually feel like intuitively maybe this more messy, imperfect episode is actually what we all need anyway. In part, because sometimes I feel like there's this almost like a light switch. In September, we're all of a sudden, at least here in the Northern hemisphere where it's back to school season, it's like the summer fun is over. And all of a sudden it's time to be very serious and focused and productive. There's an intensity. Around September. Which I find so palpable. It's like it's in the air. And a bit of what feels to me like a frenzy. Around getting back into routines. But in this, like frantic, trying to pack in everything we can. bathed, in really [00:02:00] high expectations for ourselves. One of which one expectation is that we will get everything right. Right away.
It can feel like a lot of pressure. So in the spirit of letting things be. Slightly less serious. A whole lot more messy. I've got three stories for you today, which aren't exactly, but are also kind of related. And we're just going to see where this takes us. Number one. If you are a regular listener, you may have noticed, that there was a slight disruption to our usual episode release rhythm. Normally I release a new podcast episode every other week, but last week there was an unexpected family situation that arose and I wasn't able to record, or I guess the more correct phrasing is I made the choice not to record. Everyone is all right, everything turned out. All right. But you know how those kind of days. Where something really unexpected comes up and you end up on a very unplanned adventure. I feel like we've all had these days before. And in these moments in order to make way for the unexpected. You have to shed the things that had been planned. So in my case last week's podcast episode was one of the things that I made the choice to let go of. And that because of just everything that was happening last week,I knew that if I did try and record something, it was not going to be coming from a grounded embodied heart-centered place. Now I do think it's so important that I share, [00:04:00] that I made this decision.But even though I made it, I still spend a few hours kind of beating myself up about it. Specifically, I was criticizing myself and the fact that I had left recording the episode, so last minute. Which truthfully I had. There has been this deep intention of mine to be way more ahead and have a, way more like streamlined podcast production process. And it's something that I've been slowly working on. Um, but it has not fully materialized yet. And I went into this like overly critical headspace where I started hyper fixating and analyzing all of the choices that I'd made over the last few days. And even the last few weeks. Almost like looking for evidence to support the fact that I had made a mistake and I could have done things differently.
And then I heard this little voice inside say. You need to give yourself grace.
And there was like a little bit of a shoulder softening, a little bit of like a, oh yes, I know this to be true. And also It's almost like I could absorb it like 10%, but not fully yet. It made me feel a little bit lighter, but not it didn't lift everything. But for the rest of the day, any time I heard that voice of my own inner critic start to get louder. That voice of shame and of such high expectations, that voice of perfectionism and people pleasing and all of the things. I would gently remind myself I would ground back into the idea that I am deserving and worthy of grace.
And each time I leaned into that. The weight of my own [00:06:00] expectations, got a little bit lighter, I could absorb that truth. Just a little bit more. Didn't happen right away.
But it was a practice.
Okay. Reflection number two.
One of the reasons that last week was so packed was because I was hosting, this new workshop that I created the find your fall flow workshop, which if you've listened to the last few episodes, you probably heard me talk about it. And, um, so that happened last week. Which was all somewhat ironic because one of the big threads and themes of the workshop and the thing that I was like really holding onto as I was thinking about and planning this workshop was how do we set goals that allow us to move forward? Creating the lives that we want in like a gentle yet inspiring way. While also making space for the unpredictable and unplanned things that happen in life. Was this question of like, how do we let ourselves be present to the life that is actually unfolding? And let ourselves flow and adapt. While holding true. To the things that really matter to us, that we want to be moving forward. And without kind of getting stuck. We're having to put things totally on hold. So my answer to this question, which I talked a lot more about in the workshop, but, um, It's through getting clear on what we really want. Having priorities that align with our deep desires. And creating, feeling [00:08:00] focused goals that can act as our anchor and as a north star. So that we're able to find our way.
Even when. Something unexpected happens in our path. Where the path we thought we were going to take. And those roadblocks or those forks in the road that inevitably show up.
Anyway, what I wanted to share. Is that I observed something in myself as I was preparing for this workshop. And what I observed was that delightful old companion of perfectionism. And this showed up in different ways, but there's one that I want to talk about, which is after, I had delivered the workshop. What happened was that I started immediately thinking about all the things that I would do differently next time.
I felt myself slipping back into old rhythms of immediately going into the self criticism mode.
Instead of, letting myself take time. To really be with all of the incredible feedback that participants had shared.
Letting myself reflect on all of the things that had worked really well. Celebrate the fact that I had brought this new workshop to life. And the things that I was really proud of.
I wanted to share this today. That this was my experience of, of kind of slipping back into an old pattern. In case you're listening in, you need a reminder. [00:10:00] That slipping back into old habits is something that happens. That other people are experiencing too, it's not just, you.
In these moments, when we notice ourselves slipping back into old patterns, we get to choose how to meet ourselves. What I try to do as much as possible is to reground into meeting myself with compassion and curiosity, and a commitment to caring for myself well.
Doesn't have to mean that something's wrong with me. The fact that I'm oh, back there again. Instead, I can view it as this beautiful reminder. And that some of the most potent lessons to learn, in the course of living are the ones that will need to be practiced again, and again, and again. And that truth, it doesn't need to be heavy. We can breathe into it.
And let it be a little bit lighter. A little bit less serious.
Okay. Story number three. I would love to, circle back, to September.
With a story from my younger years. So this time of year, September.
In my late high school and university years, I, at this time of year in the months leading up to it, I would become kind of obsessed, with crafting the perfect schedule. As a high achiever who also struggled with stress, anxiety, overwhelm. I was kind of determined to like crack the code. Of [00:12:00] exactly how much I could pack in, without pushing myself too far to the point of burnout or exhaustion or depletion, or anxiety.
I'd start preparing for September months ahead of time. And I would spend, like, so many hours over so many weeks. Stressing over trying to perfect a schedule that would mean I was taking on less than last year, but still challenging myself to achieve everything that I thought I needed to or wanted to achieve. And I would go round and round in circles trying to anticipate, all of the benefits and drawbacks of particular choices. Of specific classes, of volunteer opportunities, of jobs, of other extracurriculars. It was actually like, a little bit wild. My parents didn't exactly know what to do with me as I would like sit at the kitchen table with like course calendars is in front of me and all of these lists and ProCon sheets. Trying to figure it out. And I really did believe that if I could just craft the perfect schedule, that would be the answer to everything.
And then inevitably partway through the fall season when things didn't go entirely as planned, usually part way through October. Because that's life. I would start beating myself up for having failed at crafting the perfect schedule for having taken on too much. And I kind of make this mental note of like, okay, next year I need to do less. But I was, even though I knew I [00:14:00] needed to do less, I was obsessed with packing in as much as I could.
I share this today because there's still whispers and remanence of like this kind of energy inside of me. But I've really been working, especially the last few years, very intentionally on leaning into less.
I will tell you it has been such a profoundly humbling journey. As often I still find that I have taken on too much.
It is absolutely. A practice that has been taking a whole lot of repetition and a whole lot of trial and error. Or as one of my coach trainers Laura Banks, would say, trial and refinement. I love that reframe not trial and error, but trial and refinement.
But for me now, the fall season, it is definitely one where I am not sending, trying to obsess over how much I can pack in. Not trying to cram things in, but it truly has become more about making space and time for the things that feel most impactful and supportive and nourishing.
There's a real, like the energy is different. It's not that I'm trying to put everything in it's that I'm trying to get clear, on, you know, one to three things at a time. That would feel really deeply nourishing and aligned. So there's still a return to routine. There's still a return after the summer season of regrounding and finding my [00:16:00] rhythms. But it's one that is really anchored in this question of how to keep myself moving forward, while staying open to the unpredictability of life.
All this to say.
Perhaps, these three little snippets that I've shared with you today, uh, from the things I've been moving through in my own life. The things that I've been reflecting on over the last week. Perhaps they inspire within you an opportunity to reflect with your relationship to this time of year. Or your relationship with the idea of doing less rather than trying to pack in as much as possible.
Maybe, this fall season, if it is fall, when you are listening to this episode, I know it might not be. But if it is, maybe it's one where you release some of your expectations, and play with a lighter way of being. With less pressure with less heaviness. But still potent and intentional and grounded way of moving towards the things that you are trying and wanting and desiring to bring to life.
If this is something you'd like to tack more about. We can always chat more. I truly love hearing from you. Feel free to send me a DM on Instagram. @meghanljohnston, or an email at hello@meghanjohnston.com
I hope. Truly from the depths within me that this season ahead unfolds, with [00:18:00] so much nourishment,
and a real inner knowing that, how ever things unfold, you have the capacity inside of you to choose curiosity and compassion, and deep, intentional care for yourself.
Until next time, keep living With Heart and Wonder.