102. Why Chasing Your Purpose Is Keeping You Stuck with Adriana Paez
Are you feeling this pressure to figure out your purpose? This episode is for you!
I’m joined by my friend and fellow coach, Adriana as we chat about:
Why we get obsessed with finding our purpose
How to reframe purpose - it’s not a destination
The difference between finding your purpose and living on purpose
How to bring more fulfillment into your days (and why this is what matters!)
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TODAY'S GUEST
Want to connect with today's guest Adriana Paez?
You can find her on instagram: @adriana.paez.coaching
Or grab her free guide to get unstuck: https://www.adrianapaez.com/free-guide-unstuck
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GET IN TOUCH
Did this episode spark an interesting reflection or a question stirring in your heart? I love hearing from you!
Instagram: @meghanljohnston
Email: hello@meghanjohnston.com
Website: meghanjohnston.com
Episode Transcript
[00:00:00]
Welcome to episode 102 of With Heart and Wonder. This one is such a potent and powerful conversation. With a friend and fellow coach of mine, Adriana Paez. And I really, really [00:01:00] can't wait to share it with you, especially if you're somebody who has been feeling stuck or this pressure to find your purpose. Before we get into the episode, and before I tell you a little bit more about Adriana, Um, first you can probably hear in my voice, I have a bit of a cold right now so my apologies. Um, you won't hear that in the episode itself. But secondly, we are celebrating all summer long that there has been a hundred episodes of With Heart and Wonder, I talk more about that in episode 101 and 100 as well.
And so the celebration is going all summer long.
I've put together this really, really incredible giveaway over the summer months
To really shower the community with love. So you can head to podcastgiveaway.meghanjohnston.com. So podcastgiveaway.meghanjohnston.com. That link will be [00:02:00] in the show notes. And it'll give you all of the information about how you can get entry to some incredible prizes, including, um, I'm giving away a free three month coaching container. I'm giving away prizes from past podcast guests.
It's super exciting. And there's so many ways that you can gain entry by doing things like leaving ratings and reviews, sharing episodes on social media.
And by filling out this year is podcast listener survey. head to podcastgiveaway.meghanjohnston.com for all the details.
Now. Let me tell you about today's conversation. It came about because a few weeks ago I was talking with my friend and fellow life, coach Adriana, Paez. Um, and we were talking about this recent article that she had written all about how the search to find your purpose can, can be keeping you stuck.
We had such a good conversation about it. I knew that I needed to bring it here to the [00:03:00] podcast.
Let me tell you about Adriana.
She is a certified life coach on a mission to help women feeling stuck and without purpose. DEC conquer self-doubt grow confident and find their groove again so that they can create a life that is deeply fulfilling, aligned with their true passions, and that brings them immense joy. Using her innovative three pillar formula to thrive, Adriana helps others jump back into the driver's seat of their lives and go from unstuck to unstoppable. Let's dive in.
Meghan: Thank you so much for being here. I am just so, so looking forward to this conversation today about
Adriana: purpose.
Hi, Megan. Thank you so much for having me and I'm so happy to talk about this topic as well.
Meghan: It's such, such a big one, and I know that this conversation is going to make some people feel deeply seen. Uh, I know it's a journey, this journey of like finding your purpose [00:04:00] that can take take on a weightiness and a heaviness. And, um, you wrote this beautiful article that we're absolutely going to link in the show notes called, If You Haven't Found Your Purpose, How to Feel Good Anyway.
And I thought that I would start us off today just by sharing some of the first few lines from the article that I just like, Ooh, they hit me in the gut, you know? Um, so you wrote, many of us have been in what feels like an eternal quest to find It, especially if we've been feeling stuck, lost, and out of alignment.
Finding our purpose then becomes an almost obsessive search for the solution that will solve all our problems. We've been led to believe that a life purpose is a single thing, a calling that we'll be passionate about and that we'll know deep inside that we've found it. With it, we'll feel accomplished and fulfilled, and instead of feeling stuck, we'll have our answer as to what we'll do day in and day out, giving meaning to [00:05:00] why we've been put on this planet Earth.
On the flip side, we believe that without one, we'll live an uninspired, lackluster life. Without one, we'll feel out of alignment and be stuck forever, or be forever stuck, my goodness, I feel like you've like, captured it. This quest, this um, like this friction point, this challenge that so many of us feel around this eternal quest, like you said, to find a purpose.
Adriana: Yes. And I feel today, not only today, nowadays, it's you hear so much about finding your life, but it's something that we're all almost, like I explained, obsessively searching for.
Meghan: And bombarded with,
Adriana: And bombarded with yes, everywhere you go, it's like, do you know your life purpose, how to find your life purpose? And I think that as I explained in the article, that is probably the [00:06:00] main reason why we all feel sometimes stuck.
And it's because we're treating life purpose as. a destination in and of itself and like a final step to your journey. whereas I believe that your purpose is really not about doing something in particular. It's actually about aligning your daily actions with your values and your desires and really just our life purpose is really for all of us the same actually.
It is to make sure that every day you're living your life in integrity with what you believe in, what you value, and how you're desiring to feel in this life. And that's it. So there's really no search that you need to do for a particular thing. It's really a day to day [00:07:00] matching of actions with feelings and values and really aligning with integrity your life.
Meghan: Yes, yes. And we will get into that because there's so much richness in everything that you shared and, um, this distinction which I think is so important of, um, like finding your purpose versus living on purpose and what that looks like. But first, do you want to walk us through a little bit like your journey with this, you know, the elusive purpose and what that kind of looked like for you?
I have to go all the way back to my university years. So that's been like more than 20 years now. And that's when I really started realizing that I was starting to define my worth with what I did. So, um, and I think that's a big piece of really that launched the whole search for my life purpose.
Adriana: I always followed the [00:08:00] rules. I always did what I was told. I never really questioned. And so I felt like I was in a box and I was just gonna follow the path that had been outlined for me. and then when, and I talk about it a little bit in the article, A seemingly unimportant thing happened where I had selected an elective to complete my honors stream in my bachelor in economics and it was not accepted by the head because it wasn't deemed difficult enough or, you know, To the level of what other of my peers had been choosing.
And that's when really, really understood like, Oh, wow. I am letting what I am doing define me as a person, because if I cannot graduate in my honors, then who am I? And really I started spiraling, [00:09:00] um, and trying to search for who am I?
What is it that I am supposed to do if I can't do this? And that's where the search for my purpose, my life purpose began. And it was a constant search for something that I was supposed to be passionate about because that's what they tell you life purpose is.
Meghan: Yes, it's like an
equation. It's a
Adriana: exactly,
Meghan: Yeah, like passion plus talent or like innate
gift equals purpose. Yes,
Adriana: I was gonna say innate ability, like it's something that should come naturally to you, something that you should Really be good at and enjoy. And I've never been somebody who has had that type of obvious talent, if you will. Um, yes, I consider myself creative. Yes, I consider myself, but I've never been a musician or I've never been an artist, like a fine arts.
And so it was never an obvious choice for me. And so that's [00:10:00] why I kept on looking and then you hear all these, um, tips and tricks of how to find your life purpose to try to go back to what it is that you did or enjoyed as a child and maybe that's the answer. So if you liked animals, maybe you need to work with animals.
And so I started exploring and going down through. So many ideas and going through so many different things. I liked baking. So I did an internship in baking with a cake, a wedding cake baker here in Montreal. And then, uh, I loved dancing. So maybe I need to consider dancing as one of my purpose. And it just, every time I went through something, found something that kind of like agreed with what other people told me that life purpose was. I ended up still feeling stuck and unfulfilled because that's what they [00:11:00] say also a life purpose is. It's something not only that you are talented in or it comes naturally to you and you enjoy, but you're also, once you have it, you will feel fulfilled. And it's like the answer to your disconnection to, um, your feelings of being stuck.
It's really what is going to kind of Bring you up and have you like, ah, white light coming down on you.
Meghan: Yeah.
Adriana: and I never really got that feeling. It doesn't matter what I tried. And so it really wasn't until years later where I kept on, obviously with my life, I had to pay bills. So I started in jobs and never really finding myself feeling connected or fulfilled in anything that I was doing and constantly trying to discover what it is that I needed to do, um, to find that connection.
And [00:12:00] years later, it wasn't until I lost a very dear friend. Um, very early to cancer and unexpectedly, really. And just before she passed, um, she really was someone who really lived her life, like the way she wanted. And, she made a comment saying, I don't regret that. I don't regret anything in my life.
I've lived my life how I've wanted it to. And that really got me questioning my life. had I really spent my time really living the life I wanted without any regrets? And it was a very big wake up moment for me to realize that my answer to that question would unfortunately be no. not what I wanted to be.
I [00:13:00] actually felt that I was not living the life that I wanted to, and I felt really deeply that I owed it not only to me, but almost also to her. To actually look into what I need to do to change that feeling and make sure that I am living the life that I want to live right now. And so I stopped thinking about finding a life purpose and searching for a purpose and really just focusing on the now.
and that's when I found my, the golden nugget of truth. And it is that we're not necessarily chasing a particular thing. So your purpose, or even just the goal, like whatever goal we have, like completing a marathon, let's say, or something like that, what we are actually chasing is the feeling that you get once you achieve that.
And so what we're [00:14:00] really, when we're looking for our life purpose, What we are really looking for is that feeling of being fulfilled, of feeling worthy, that like completeness that you don't want to feel inside or juiciness of being connected and creative and having your creativity flow. Um, that is really what we are looking for.
And so I, after dropping the life purpose search and really focusing on living my life. Present moment by present moment. Um, I really started like discovering how is it that you can live focusing on recreating that feeling you want day in and day out. And at the end, it doesn't really matter what you do as long as what you're doing is really making you feel the way you want to feel.
Meghan: Yes. Oh my gosh. Like such, such true words. And [00:15:00] I know, I know that this is a pressure that we all feel. In part because it's what's packaged and sold to us, right? Like, I think back, I know you said you're going all the way back to university, and I'm going all the way back for me to high school. I remember, I was like a leadership kid, you know, I went to like the leadership conferences and like, they start pumping you with this at the age of 14, of like, even, even younger, of like, find your purpose, find that thing that lights you up, and then to turn that into, a career, and there's this real like, linking.
Almost, I feel like, that is influenced by capitalism of them, like, linking that with what it means to be, a productive member of society and to contribute to the world, and it can feel really, almost, like, suffocating, in a way, and
that, that there is also this aspect of, like, turning [00:16:00] inward.
In the sense of, like, I wonder if sometimes there's, a lot of us are making an assumption that other people do have it figured out, when most people you talk to would say, like, I don't know what my purpose is. And there's almost this, comparison of, like, oh, like, we see, we, maybe we see what we want reflected in the lives of others, and so we assume that they have this clear direction and purpose, when that might not actually be the case.
Adriana: I think you're totally right first of all, yes, I think it is an idea that has been sold to us so early in our life that it seems almost impossible to think of it otherwise.
And there is this kind of like meshing of purpose with career that happens and becomes such a strong link that it's hard for us to, to kind of like, separate them and that's where I think most of the the frustration comes from [00:17:00] as well because not only do you have to discover this purpose that you feel passionate about And that is innate and naturally comes to you and keeps you fulfilled. But at the same time it would be even better if you could actually make money and live from it
Meghan: Mm
Adriana: and then on top of that as you say we do have a tendency to compare ourselves and and believe that others, especially in the social media time, you believe that others do have it more figured out than you and so it just compounds this feeling of heaviness and of you being the one who's stuck further than all the other people because you're comparing your journey where yes, I think, this idea of not finding your purpose but instead living on purpose is a journey that like a very internal and personal journey that you have to do and it's really about, like you said, looking within.
Meghan: Which [00:18:00] is hard for rule followers, right? Like, there's almost a way in which, when I was listening to your story, um, I was thinking about the way that, if, if we're people who, and I identify the same, well, I'm both a real follower and a rebel, like, like, uh, if we're identifying with following the rules and then all of a sudden something shakes the foundation, right?
Like you had this experience with the head of the department, like where it, it shook the foundation of what you knew to be true. And, and so then there's this way, I think that then we almost are then like searching for a new rule, a new formula to follow, you know, we're bringing this purpose as, as the thing to almost like restore order in a way to, To the Shaken Foundations.
And there's a way in which I feel like we clasp and hang on to the concept of purpose. Because it feels like it can anchor us in the uncertainty of [00:19:00] the world. Does that resonate with you?
Adriana: Yeah, definitely. I feel like that's why we hang to it so much. Um, this idea that it's so, so it almost becomes like the answer to everything. And it becomes like this point where, like you say, like an anchor to when, when you have an idea of how the world works and you think you know who you are, and then that is completely shaken and questioned.
I think it's only natural for As humans to kind of look for something stable or not stable, but at least something known, right? And since we are sold this idea of a purpose or needing to find a purpose, then your first gut reaction is, Oh, then maybe it's because I haven't found my purpose. And that's what I need to like concentrate myself.
And if you're someone who has been following the rules and most likely also an achiever it's the [00:20:00] perfect combination because now you have what you feel is like, quote unquote, a destination, which is your purpose. And then you have, you can focus all your energy on finding it.
And then you believe that because you're believing that once you do, everything will be solved. Like, it'll be like, it will, it'll rebuild the foundation and like, everything will be okay. Again, there's no need to shake things up again. Like it'll be done. Like wrapped in a little gift and done.
Meghan: Yeah,
Adriana: and that's where the, the lie is, right?
Um, and that's, that's exactly what we shouldn't be focus on, focusing on because the journey, the uncomfortable journey is looking and seeing how we want to feel if we had this purpose, and then actually recreate that feeling on a daily basis.
Meghan: I really love this framing of, of thinking about purpose as a destination [00:21:00] and the way in which that robs us of really being present in the journey. It makes me think of, it's no secret on the podcast I talk about her all the time, but Elizabeth Gilbert and the way in which you know, she's like a big proponent of the fact that purpose anxiety is, keeping us stuck and keeping us from curiosity.
Actually, it's like one of the things that she talks about and um, and this reframing that it actually it's kind of funny it for us to assume that it would be possible for us to know the entire purpose. of our life. Like, there's an element to that which is, is almost like, who are we to think that we could know the entire purpose of our life, you know?
Like, the world is so mystical and magical and, she tells this story of, like, you know, this one time she held a ladder that was, like, wobbly for this guy when she was walking down the street and she just held the ladder for 20 minutes until she knew that he would be okay. They didn't have a [00:22:00] conversation.
she literally just held the ladder to make sure that, he was okay, and then walked on, and, and she says, you know, maybe that's the entire reason that I was put on this earth, was literally just to hold that ladder I can't know. I can't know if the whole, my whole reason for existence is holding a ladder, or if it's doing this, or if it's doing that, like, we just can't know.
Right? And there's this element of, like, the unknowable, which is inherently destabilizing, because, we seek knowing, we seek certainty, we seek, seek, like you say, stability. And so to, to, to focus less on that destination and really just, like, to have trust in the moment, that's such, such a shift.
It's such a beautiful invitation. And I'm wondering if you can walk us through, you've started to sprinkle these in, especially like with feeling based goals and, but like, how do you start to do that? How do you start to focus more on the moment and on [00:23:00] finding fulfillment? Because I do, I so agree with you.
I think what a lot of people are chasing when they're chasing purpose is they're chasing fulfillment. and meaning and we can have fulfillment and meaning from a whole host of other places. But how do we start to see the opportunities for that in our life?
Adriana: Yeah, I think, well, first of all, I, I love what you just said also, um, about the purpose and finding the purpose. I also wanted to add, it makes you also think the journey is quite a straight line,
Meghan: course. Yes.
Adriana: And, um, and that's where we also are mistaken because as we all know, life is not straight.
And our, our destinations, we never reach. where we want to go in that straight line that we originally thought we were going to take. Um, so I think that's [00:24:00] also something that is misleading about the way we talk about finding purpose. and to talk to your point about, so how do we find meaning and fulfillment on a daily basis?
I think there's two things, and I, this is something I've I really done with myself and I work when I work with my coaching clients, that's something that we really get clear on from the beginning is first, I think it's very important to really have a super clear idea of what is truly important to you and what do you really need and want.
Um, and the way, I mean, it could be taking a moment of silence and just really digging in if I didn't have to be held back by anything, how would I want to feel, feel in this life? And what it is, what is it that I would really like, make me like, make my heart sing?
And then once [00:25:00] you're really clear on what it is that you want and desire, then it's much easier to zoom in into what is that feeling that's recreating inside of you. And then I think the next big step is really learning how to make decisions, anchoring yourself within this feeling, as opposed to making decisions when thinking about an actual end goal.
So, uh, Martha Beck talks a lot about the body compass and how you learn your body, your body has certain reactions, physical reactions to, um, your thoughts or your beliefs or. Or in our case, making a decision. So when you are wanting to make a decision, you can really tune into your body and see how it reacts.
And that can lead you, Oh, this decision is making me feel good, or this decision [00:26:00] is making me feel like iffy. I'm not sure. Um, so it takes practice doing that, uh, on a daily basis and really, and it takes practice to really identify that feeling within your body, the feeling of good or the feeling of, no, maybe this is not a go.
Uh, but that really helps you on a daily basis to ensure that you are make, taking your actions aligned with how you want to feel that day.
Meghan: Yes.
Adriana: And I think the third thing I would say is really, um, we hear a lot when you, like, getting present in the moment. It's also about, I feel, connection to, like, what you have going around you in that same day.
And you talked a little bit about it, about trust, about trusting that, you know, that you have been put here for a reason. And [00:27:00] that you are meant to find meaning in whatever it is that you want to find meaning in. Um, so I think being present is also about like disconnecting yourself from that future steps and what the shoulds and the coulds and everything and really just trusting that where you are right now is really where you need to be and focusing on Making all the decisions and the actions that you're taking that day, aligning with the feelings that make, basically that make you feel good in your body.
So that is really, once you get clear on what it is truly important to you, what you value, and how you want to feel, if you had everything you could in this life, and then trying to ensure that those are the things that are aligning your actions on a daily basis.
Meghan: [00:28:00] Absolutely. I mean, I, I just agree so wholeheartedly with so much of what you're sharing. And, and of course, this also makes sense. We haven't said this, but Adriana is trained. in the same coaching academy as I am. And so, you know, there is, there's a lot of thread lines and similarities in our work, like feeling focused goals and value based decisions and, and all of, all of these sorts of things.
I would love to know, because one of the things that I see so much, so much is, um, especially with people who have grown up as the high achievers. The Rule Followers, is that trouble getting out of the head and into the body? And I find it so fascinating with my history as a yoga teacher, and this embodied work has always been a huge cornerstone
but what I think is so powerful for people sometimes is to hear reflected how other people experience this. And so I was wondering, I mean, you talked about Martha back and I was wondering for you, are you open [00:29:00] to sharing, like, how is it that you experience in your body when a decision is right?
And when, uh, an option is actually not a line.
Adriana: Yes, I love talking about this a little bit because we always hear a lot and that's thrown out a lot like your gut feeling. So I always assumed
Meghan: Mm
Adriana: would feel it in my gut.
Meghan: Sure. Yeah, that makes sense.
Adriana: So, Right? Because you're like, you're gut feeling. So I always assumed. And when I started doing these exercises, so the first, so in the body compass, what you're doing is You want to think first of a time where you were truly happy. So you take the time when you're truly, truly happy, you close your eyes, and then you feel where you feel that happiness in your body. And how does it feel? Right? Is it a fluttery feeling? Is it a, an expansive, like you feel you're opening up? And so that's how you're not, you know, how it feels to feel [00:30:00] good in your body.
And then you do the opposite. You're thinking about a negative. experience, some, some experience where you really didn't feel, didn't like it. It was like not the best moment for you. And then feel where your body is holding that. Is it a contraction? Is it like a, almost like a little bit like, but like revolting feeling and where does it feel?
And so while I was doing that exercise, I always assume again, that, so it would be in my gut. But what I found was it was in my throat where I felt like the constriction. Or where I felt the release. And that was a very, um, I was really surprised. I always thought, again, rule following, um, going what, what everybody else said.
And like you said, we're looking at external validations. This idea of the gut feeling, I always assumed it would be around my tummy. So [00:31:00] it's like gut, like everything. And for me, it was surprising that I felt actually everything in my throat.
Meghan: Yeah,
Adriana: So that was really, and then another point that I think is important to make, especially when you're the high achievers and you have a really hard time to kind of like go into your body.
Um, and I see this a lot in the people I've worked with and within myself, obviously. We have, because we, if we have been tended, we've tended to be high achievers and we've done it for a long time. We think we can, we need to get from zero to a hundred. And the first try.
Meghan: Yes.
Adriana: And so I would say also, like, these are all practices that take a while, and it's better to do a little bit than not do anything at all.
And it's good to be, like, to experience 20 percent of what you thought you should [00:32:00] experience than nothing at all. So I think the baby steps and the letting go of this all or nothing approach is also key to learning to, like, feel into your body. Thank you. To learning to anchor decisions to your feelings and, and really learning to, to live also in, like, fulfilled and on purpose every day.
Because also, Megan, I think we also assume, and maybe that's because of this looking for external validation, that we will be on purpose every day, every second of that day, which is, Far from the truth. What we're talking is about an overall feeling but throughout the day you're not like stopping every single moment and ensuring that you're on purpose and like it's normal to go to have this ebb and flow of your day.
On purpose, not on purpose, on purpose, not on purpose. So yeah, it's also this [00:33:00] idea of letting go of like, it's all or nothing. It needs to be 100 percent or nothing. And it's to be good on the first try, or this is not the way it is.
Meghan: it goes back to what you were saying before about thinking about purpose as this like final destination. And, what I hear in what you're describing is the way in which then if we're, if we're chasing something like deeper connection with ourselves or deeper self worth, that wanting to get it right away.
And that all or nothing thinking, that 0 to 100 is replicating that same pattern, right? And so what does it mean instead to just be focusing on, on like you said, the little shifts, the little steps, but, but really also just like, the present choices that are available to us. and I am so grateful too, that you brought up like, okay, yes, we're talking about maybe making this switch from trying to find your purpose to living on purpose, but that it truly is not possible to live [00:34:00] on purpose all the time, just like it is not possible to experience joy all of the time
There is like a yin and yang to everything. There is a way in which things flow into each other. And that those moments where we make a choice that isn't aligned with our purpose can then in fact, help us make better choices in the future and also make the moments that are on purpose feel even that much more fulfilling.
Right? Like there's like a, like there's beauty in it all. Right. And so, I think the difference is What I've experienced having since myself let go of this, like, quest for purpose, um, which I don't entirely know exactly when it happened, um, but, at some point, it did, um, it did, but, but definitely before that, I was, just like you, reading all the books about it, trying to figure it out, thinking, assuming that there was something [00:35:00] wrong with me.
because I couldn't figure it out, right? Like there were all these books telling me, oh, it's easy. You just do this, this, this, and this. You make your Venn diagram and it's the thing that's right in the middle. Um, and there was, you know, that, that frustration and that feeling like, oh gosh, there must be something wrong with me.
But what I have found in, in focusing more on, on like meaning and fulfillment rather than the grand purpose is Is that it comes in unexpected places. And so there's almost this way of us, of us, like opening our eyes and that curiosity piece about, well, what might, what might give me that feeling? Because there's likely things.
That you're just doing that you have no idea, but that it is going to feel deeply fulfilling and meaningful. And, and in that way, it becomes this beautiful chance to just get to know [00:36:00] yourself, to be in relationship with yourself. And that is entirely different than chasing a destination, right?
Like if you think about relationships in your life and what it means to. To foster, like, healthy, sustainable, loving relationships, like, if I'm taking the destination off the table and thinking about what does it mean to be in relationship with myself, um, that's just this beautiful, constant, evolving, surprising, sometimes challenging, but also really beautiful thing.
Mm
Adriana: Yeah, totally. I, and I couldn't agree more. And this, this is really the whole journey of living on purpose. is really about getting to know yourself deeply,
getting to love yourself, and giving yourself the space, like you said, to be curious and explore, and just to be open to find fulfillment in really anything you do, because as I said [00:37:00] before, like, at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter what you do, because what you're really after is after this feeling of, like, fulfillment, of meaning, and you can find that in a myriad of ways, that Really like, need to be confined to a single thing.
I think that's why this article really resonated with a lot of people. And that was because it just takes this pressure off. Like, Oh my God, these are really limitless, if you will, because it can literally be anything. And it was a little bit in my hand in hand with, um, mindfulness practices, right?
giving yourself the freedom to explore and see what it is on the day to day that you can do to actually make yourself feel good and feel that connection and that, um, fulfillment that you're really [00:38:00] looking for.
Meghan: so much wisdom in this conversation. So much wisdom. And, and I think the other thing that was just coming up for me too, I'm sure you agree, but that like, like, there's no need to like announce your purpose to the world either, you know, like, That there can be this pressure that we feel, I think, to like have a purpose and for that and that to also be clear and shine outward for other people, but that there can be the things that bring you meaning and fulfillment that are truly just for you.
Like it doesn't have to be for anybody else. I think of, of my own journey, which I've shared about on the podcast over the last few months of like starting to dance again. And I. in that process, like, have taken contemporary classes, which I had never done before. I'm a new contemporary dancer in the last few months, and I'm like, not good.
and that's okay, you know? And I sometimes take videos of myself because I find it a [00:39:00] really helpful learning tool of like, oh, like, I think I'm doing this, but I'm not. And I, I think about those videos, and it's not to say I'll never share one, maybe I will, but like, um, like, like, I'm objectively not good, you know, and, and I'm learning, but I feel so fulfilled, like, so fulfilled, and nobody else, ever needs to see me dance, even know that I'm dancing, right?
Like, like, in that moment, it just feels so right for me, and, and there's a lot of beauty in that, I think it's really easy to even take this conversation and say, Okay, we were talking about, like, shifting from finding purpose to living on purpose, and, and then to perform living on purpose.
and that that, like, it's just for you. Like, it's just for you. Mmm.
Adriana: definitely. And it's like, like we were saying, like, it's really an internal journey that you're embarking on when you really, you know, Let go of the quest to find your purpose and start focusing to live on purpose and [00:40:00] really tuning in with your body, with your energy, pausing throughout the day and finding the stuff that's light up a spark as weird as it can be.
And it's funny that you mentioned dance, Megan, because me too. In quest for my life purpose, and they make you think about the things that you love to do when you were young. And I remember when I was seven, I drew an auto portrait of me as a ballerina. Now, I never ever took ballet throughout my life.
Never ever. I don't know why, but I never took classes. And, um, and so in my quest to now live on purpose, I've rediscovered ballet. And I am, like you say, terrible at it, but I love it, and it's just like, in those moments, I just, I reconnect with that seven year old, and it just, it builds up so much, even though it's only one [00:41:00] hour, twice a week, but I would have never considered that as my purpose, if you will.
Before, when I was looking for my life purpose because it, it didn't fit the bill of being something that came naturally to me, that I was talented in, that fulfilled me, and that eventually I could live off from. And it would have robbed me from this giddy feeling I get when I go there,
and makes me feel so fulfilled and connected.
Meghan: Yeah.
Adriana: it's really about not like we've been talking like not really treating this life purpose as a destination but instead as an invitation for you to really day to day discover moments where you're really connected.
with how you want to feel really in tune with your body and your energy and discover like little pockets [00:42:00] of joy throughout your day.
Meghan: Yeah, the things that make you feel good, right, or make you feel how you want to feel. This has been such a rich conversation. I would love to know, as we weave our way towards the end today, is there anything else on your heart that you want to share?
Adriana: Um, maybe one last thing, because it's something that I really had to work with. And I see a lot of people that I work with struggle with as well. And that is when you start embarking on something different, I think it's only natural that your inner critic inside comes popping their head up. And I feel like throughout this journey of like trying to live on purpose and everything, you really also need to learn how to quiet that mind chatter and turn down the volume on your inner critic.
So that you can create those [00:43:00] opportunities and create that curiosity that we were talking about to explore new things and really to help you find those spaces to create and recreate the feelings that you want to have throughout your life. So, um, I think that is something that is very common with people, with everybody, but especially high achieving people, um, with this idea that you need to be perfect on your first goal from zero to a hundred.
Uh, and uh, so once you start letting go of this all or nothing approach, you also need to realize that you will have this inner critic come up, this self, this inner voice you'll have come up, um, and you need to be conscious of it and try to really fight it and turn it down so that you can actually have the courage, if you will, and the confidence to explore other [00:44:00] things and really live on your purpose.
Meghan: Yeah, it goes back to that relationship with self, right, that we were talking about and part of cultivating, or one of the obstacles to cultivating that really loving and, um, attentive and abundant and expansive relationship with self is the voice inside our head. And I know you and I as coaches, we see a lot of that.
And I wish we could talk even more about that. Um, today, but
Adriana: That's another episode
Meghan: whole other episode. Yeah. But I'm so glad that you brought that up because, because It truly is like, It's a part of our landscape and a part of our living and, and learning how to befriend that voice inside our head is, is a, is a whole other skill, um, but one that is really important and connected to being able to live on purpose, like you said.
Adriana: Yes. So be, be, be, be kind to yourself basically, and just take it slow. Baby steps.
Meghan: Thank you so much for being [00:45:00] with us here today. I am just so grateful that we could have this conversation and we will be sure to link the article in the show notes as well as you have a gift for listeners, a guide for shifting gears, five simple steps to get unstuck. So we will share that as well.
It'll be in the show notes. And, where's the best place for people to connect with you.
Adriana: Thank you, Megan, so much for having me. And, um, you can find me on Instagram, @adrianna.pais.Coaching, or you can go also to my website. I have The stuck guide is there. And, um, and yes, I love hearing from anybody. So please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.
Meghan: Amazing. Thank you so much.
Adriana: Oh, thank you so much for having me, Megan, loved this conversation.
Meghan: Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. I hope you loved it. Just as much [00:46:00] as I did.
And I hope that it invoked inside of you a feeling of curiosity for different ways of thinking about this idea of purpose or what it means to live a fulfilling life. I always, always love hearing from you. If you want to share any reflections or thoughts that came up in today's episode.
You can send me a message on social media @meghanljohnston or by email hello@meganjohnston.com. Or you can also share any reflections you had on social media and you'll get an entry into this year's podcast giveaway that is happening all summer long. There's so many incredible prizes and you can find all of the details on that giveaway at podcastgiveaway.meghanjohnston.com.
There's lots of ways to earn entries, sharing on social media, of course, but also doing things like filling out this year's podcast listener survey, as well as leaving ratings and reviews. [00:47:00] Head to podcastgiveaway.meghanjohnston.com for all the details. And until next time, keep living With Heart and Wonder.